title: A Transcript
date: 2018-12-30
author: Wynn Wolf Arbor

though one thing still disturbs me greatly  
and I don't know whether I am alone in this  
but it is most obvious at night, in the dark  
or in the haze, the fog;  
that I am not fully there - that there is  
in another space, another self, not me  
but indistinguishable from me,  
yet wholly alien.  

it is irksome to know this, and  
whilst I have come to learn how to cope,  
it never fully leaves me, this thought  
that I am fake.  

it seems an impossible situation, to be  
and not to be at the same time, and to  
hide and show as necessary, just so;  
yes, the necessity of it is still of  
great difficulty. I am not sure  
whether to continue or not, to be,  
to not be, at the same time.  

since, in the past, it worked and  
sometimes made it easy.  
yet, it is not honest, and I fear  
being eaten up from the inside  
by this self, and for it  
to take over.  

then, nothing will be true  
but everything will go on as if  
it were.  

and so I leave this query with  
utmost confusion and no real  
hope of assurance  
that my self be saved and the other  
to be discarded.