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| -rw-r--r-- | posts/beton-brut.md | 134 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/concrete.md | 48 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/img/brutalist-websites.png | bin | 0 -> 286211 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/img/weltschmerz.png | bin | 0 -> 45345 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/old-days.md | 73 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/the-cat.md | 65 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/transcript.md | 42 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/verify-with-signify.md | 51 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | posts/weltschmerz.md | 77 |
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diff --git a/posts/beton-brut.md b/posts/beton-brut.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c28211 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/beton-brut.md @@ -0,0 +1,134 @@ +title: Béton Brut +date: 2019-07-21 +author: Wolfgang Müller + +It is hard to believe that it took me well over half a year to finally +come to the point where I can publish this website on my new domain and +leave the old one behind. There's a few reasons it took this long, and +for once, surprisingly, they are not at all software-related. It was a +journey through uncertainty, insecurity, and compulsive hesitancy, which +is why this post will mostly be a reflective one. + +## Legacy Woes + +Last year in November I had a bunch of free time on my hands, and I very +innocently decided to work on a new site design. Back then I only really +wanted to change a few things, since a full makeover seemed a bit too +daunting. Still, after throwing around a bunch of ideas in my head, it +seemed more clear that I would have to abandon the bulk of what I +already had. Mainly this was because the old site was built on a +considerable amount of legacy code: I was using AsciiDoc, which I had +fallen out of favour with, and most of the site was being held together +by an unwieldy Makefile and a couple of hacky shell scripts. + +So whilst it was easy enough to add new content, changing the design or +even merely attempting to tweak core concepts was impossible without a +bigger rewrite. + +Another concern was my growing disdain for a few of the things that I +had published. Ideally I thought it'd be best to rewrite the bits that I +didn't like and keep the rest, but I couldn't find a sufficient amount +of motivation. I ended up neglecting to write any new posts on the site, +and knowing I had stuff online that I kind of despised made me feel +depressed every time I thought about it. I felt that the site could no +longer reasonably present the kind of person I was. I felt that I was +lying. + +## Honest Design + +Around the same time I stumbled upon [Brutalist +Websites](https://brutalistwebsites.com/) (since defunct, and only +reasonably browsable by removing the prominent overlay), which curated a +collection of _brutalist_ websites. + + + +There was always a certain - perhaps morbid - fascination I had with +Brutalism and its idea of _béton brut_, raw concrete. The German word +for this concept, _Sichtbeton_, takes a more experiential approach; it +is simply concrete that is unobstructedly visible. There's no attempt to +hide the underpinning, instead it is displayed with a certain kind of +pride. Core to the whole concept is a notion of honesty, of being +utterly clear about what a thing is made of. + +So when I felt that I was lying about what kind of person I was, it +seemed only fitting to create something new in that sort of style, and +to take to heart the idea of being more honest to the outside world and +myself. + +## The Foundation + +Not only did that mean creating a new design, it also meant starting +from scratch and looking for a new engine to build the whole website. I +quickly decided to use [sblg](https://kristaps.bsd.lv/sblg/) to generate +HTML files from templates, and +[lowdown](https://kristaps.bsd.lv/lowdown/) to convert markdown files to +XML content that sblg understands. + +The whole project would live in only a couple of directories, tied +together with a much simpler and cleaner Makefile this time. Compared to +AsciiDoc, site generation was blazingly fast and very robust. It only +took me about a day or two to fully tweak everything the way I wanted it +to behave. + +## Small Steps + +What ended up taking 90% of the rest of the time was the design. With +the idea of being fully honest came a problem: I started questioning +certain decisions because of what they might reveal about myself, what +they might look like from an outside perspective. I noticed that, for a +very long time, I had been genuinely insecure about releasing anything +that was in any way personal to me. + +For instance, the idea very early on was to have one single page +containing everything I published; be it a piece of software, a poem, or +some sort of essay. This resulted in a lot of internal conflict as I +often considered my poetry to be "pretentious" and inherently less +impactful than a software project. Suddenly I was wanting to have two +sites, one for the "real" and technical projects, and one for the more +personal. In turn that would mean that I was actively censoring my +output by categorizing it away to a more obscure part of the site. + +Another problem was an almost compulsive need to tweak the most +insignificant parts of the design towards a sense of perfection and +coherence that was frankly unattainable. Because of a lot of internal +turmoil, it became impossible to do any further work I would feel +positive of. + +In the end the solution was to take considerable time off personal +projects and reflect on and try to dismantle those problems and +insecurities. I learned that it is very helpful to talk to trustworthy +friends about this, and to find a comfortable space in which to +experiment with being more immediately public with projects, ideas, or +thoughts - even if you think they are unrefined and not ready. This is +especially helpful if one tends to feel vulnerable after having +published or when considering to publish. Initially it is perfectly fine +to create a "mock public" space that no one can see initially, but which +can be made more public as time goes on (a locked Twitter or Fediverse +profile, for example). The idea is to build confidence in the act of +publishing itself, and to take away the vulnerability and fear. + +## Horizon + +Building this sort of confidence in publishing personal content is +time-consuming and not always easy. You may feel the intense urge to +undo a publication or to re-read it until it sounds drab and uninspired. +In those cases, maybe ask a friend for feedback, but most importantly: +take a step back and take some time off. It may read wholly differently +tomorrow. + +As for technical work, if you, like me, feel sometimes that what you do +is unimportant, unrecognized, or invisible, it might help to start a +document in which you collect even the smallest things that have some +sort of impact day to day. Julia Evan's idea of a [brag +document](https://jvns.ca/blog/brag-documents/) is a helpful resource. I +tend to be overly humble myself and want to highlight the following excerpt, +which helped me understand something no one had explained to me before: + +> One thing I want to emphasize, for people who don't like to brag, is – +> **you don't have to try to make your work sound better than it is**. Just +> make it sound **exactly as good as it is**! + +Like _béton brut_, be uncompromisingly honest about your work. Don't +make it sound better than it is, but most importantly, learn that it +has value and that there is no shame in showing it. diff --git a/posts/concrete.md b/posts/concrete.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ecae66c --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/concrete.md @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ +title: Concrete +date: 2017-03-08 +author: Wolfgang Müller + +Concrete. Drab, lifeless surfaces, complete in their sterility. Dust +from abrasion dancing around in the few shafts of light like +poisoned spores, carrying death across the hallway. Lying against +the blood-stained wall, this should be his last moment in life. Born +in concrete, deep below the earth, away from sunshine, green grass, +sunflowers, singing birds; Killed in concrete just the same, smashed +against the wall, shot into the lungs and shoulders, bleeding out far +away from light or happiness. + +The others were all already gone. Strewn about, lying atop of each +other, dead eyes, pale skin. Grey and feeble, like the concrete all +around. Pools of blood under the bodies, a dark coagulated red. Life +forgotten now seeping into the devouring pores of the cement floor. + +"I'll end up like them, eaten up, rotting here where there is +no sunshine. I'll end up in the belly of the concrete monstrosity, my +skeleton grinning sheepishly at the unlucky dwellers who find this vault +expecting riches, but getting only death; death grimacing back, and the +concrete, silent as ever, watching, waiting." + +A putrid smell lay in the room, ironlike, miasmatic, and +dusty. Thankfully only a few more breaths left. Complete silence, +except for the ghastly wheezing of ruptured lungs. A last reminder of +life dwindling between the uncaring walls. Nobody listening except the +elongated and lobeless concrete ears, the rough surfaces like petrified +skin. + +Darkness slowly crept in; first at the edges, concealing the unnatural +smiles of mutilated faces. Faces of friends, family, faces of enemies, +of bullies. Everyone's face. Nobody's face. + +He drew his last breath. The darkness crept more towards the center, +towards that one fixpoint; towards the concrete wall he had been staring +at all this time. His enemy. Mankind's enemy. And yet it was just a +wall. Something so simple had become the name for all the horrors in the +world, and it was staring back. Endlessly it was staring back, loudly +accusing in complete silence. + +It resounded in the corpse-filled room, mangled vocal chords in an +undead chorus. + +It resounded in his dying, confused mind. + +Concrete. diff --git a/posts/img/brutalist-websites.png b/posts/img/brutalist-websites.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d116bb6 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/img/brutalist-websites.png diff --git a/posts/img/weltschmerz.png b/posts/img/weltschmerz.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c46430 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/img/weltschmerz.png diff --git a/posts/old-days.md b/posts/old-days.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..41bcb7c --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/old-days.md @@ -0,0 +1,73 @@ +title: Old Days +date: 2016-06-03T02:44:44Z +author: Wolfgang Müller + +In the lowland of the taiga; +And vast forests boreal +Midst wapiti and wild reindeer, +Lynx, stoat, squirrel, snowshoe, brown bear, +Lives a hermit in remembrance +Of old days and the explosion. + +Green the firs, bicoloured birches +Waving proudly in light wind; +Poplars shedding crimson catkins. +And the hermit, longing, silent +Standing lonely on the brink +Of tundra, opens weary eyes and sees. + +Oak trees bending, whipping back; +Barks then tinged by hellish fire, +Songbirds in a sky of black. +The mushroom cloud, the ball of red: +People fleeing, hoping, dying, +To the church walls shadows burnt. + +In the seas the water boiling, +Blistering from the reflection +Of the short-lived man-made sun. +Uriel in heaven crying, +Mourning loss of the creation +That, in war, unmade itself. + +No more seasons, only winter; +Everlasting winter, with grey soot +Like snowflakes falling gently +Down to blackened soil; a Hell +on Earth, forever dead and frozen. +Upon mankind a shadow cast. + +So the hermit with his gas mask, +Breathing filters and asbestos +Makes his way, past sickly tree stumps, +Past the rotten flesh, past poison +Past the hollow shells of old +Through miasma to catharsis; + +Through the lowland of the taiga; +In vast graveyards boreal +Midst wapiti and dead reindeer, +Lynx, stoat, squirrel, snowshoe, brown bear, +Through miasma past the tombstones +Past the unmarked grave and carcass. + +Face turned west another fire, +Older still than the creation; +Shimmering subtly, orange, crimson +Through the clouds and casting rays +Upon the rolling hills afar, +Lights like ghostly sirens calling. + +And the harp, resurging music, +Calming shadows, living beings, +Forests, meadows, nature, beauty! +From that subtle light display +Made the hermit so resentful +And envious of death's embrace. + +Far away inside a bunker +Beneath the old charred earth forgotten +Lies dormant in a silo still +The array of rockets primed; +Awaiting silent, patient, stoic +An end, and the explosion. diff --git a/posts/the-cat.md b/posts/the-cat.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c3ffd40 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/the-cat.md @@ -0,0 +1,65 @@ +title: The Cat +date: 2016-08-04T10:49:20Z +author: Wolfgang Müller + +One should live in a house like a cat, finding repose on almost every +surface. To the cat, the whole house is a shelter. Every table, every +sofa, every chair, every bed, indeed every floor is an invitation to +find some rest. Do we not find cats, again and again, in the most +unusual and unexpected places? We find them there, lying and sleeping +with a kind of lightness and peace as if they themselves had designed +that space specifically for them. We find them there snugly in a ball, +breathing softly to themselves and relaxing their claws. + +Now, in this instance, they need them not. In this instance the whole +world around them, usually a cat's plaything and center of attention, +ceases to exist almost, as if they, in their peaceful huddledness, +transcended life and entered the realm of daydreaming. A human realm, +not an animal one. Of which things do they dream? Do they dream of the +mouse that eluded them in the existential battle for life and retreated +back to its hole, its own shelter? Do they maybe dream of the fields in +which they were kings and queens, unchallenged monarchs of old? + +Truly there is something kingly about cats; a certain evolutionary +dignity. How is it that they live content with beings displaying even +greater hubris? Or maybe they just want to learn? How innocent, though, +in their pursuit of this. How unburdened, how free. Whom do they see +when they look at us? What do they feel when we talk to them? + +Can it be that it is only instinct that drives them? They exhibit such +humanness, they exhibit an animal soul. It is a purer soul, a more +simple one, but it is a soul. What do they feel when we gently stroke +their fur with our hands? Do they feel the same kind of love? How is it +to live a cat's life? + +I said earlier that cats lie down to repose anywhere. Like a human, +however, they have their favourite spots. Always these spots have a +distinctly human element. It is the small opening under our beds that +we so cherished as a child, dreaming of and building at the same time +a warm and safe den ourselves. It is next to our spot on the sofa, as +if we radiated a familiarity and comfort there even in our absence. +It is in the bags we use for our shopping, the suitcases we use for +travelling. + +It is on our discarded clothes on the table, floor, chair or bed, as +if they wanted to absorb the fragrances of our lives and thus come +closer to our person. It is our smell that is home to them, our ``having +lived'' in something, on something, that is so dear to them. Maybe +they want to feel the pain that was inflicted upon us, or the joy and +happiness that was diffused through the clothes as we wore them. They +are not all without us, and while we are gone they are emptier inside +for the loss, seeking refuge, seeking a nest, seeking shelter from the +rain in the touched and transformed things we left behind. We are their +mothers and fathers to them, we are their family. This bond transcends +species, it is therefore something inherent in life. It is a soulful +longing for nearness, a longing for exchange of life, and what makes +life what it is. + +My cats cannot comprehend what I have written here, but I believe +fully that they feel the same way. The cat hair on my clothes is their +attempt at sharing this warmness, this closeness. And when the cat +lies down close to me and purrs with all the excellence of beauty and +reverberation, then I feel loved in the universe and want to share that +love. Maybe in this simplicity we should look for love and give it back +with all our heart. Maybe in this simplicity we have found the core of +us and the dignified true expression of the animal, and of nature. diff --git a/posts/transcript.md b/posts/transcript.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d3f333 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/transcript.md @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ +title: A Transcript +date: 2018-12-30 +author: Wolfgang Müller + +though one thing still disturbs me greatly +and I don't know whether I am alone in this +but it is most obvious at night, in the dark +or in the haze, the fog; +that I am not fully there - that there is +in another space, another self, not me +but indistinguishble from me, +yet wholly alien. + +it is irksome to know this, and +whilst I have come to learn how to cope, +it never fully leaves me, this thought +that I am fake. + +it seems an impossible situation, to be +and not to be at the same time, and to +hide and show as necessary, just so; +yes, the necessity of it is still of +great difficulty. I am not sure +whether to continue or not, to be, +to not be, at the same time. + +since, in the past, it worked and +sometimes made it easy. +yet, it is not honest, and I fear +being eaten up from the inside +by this self, and for it +to take over. + +then, nothing will be true +but everything will go on as if +it were. + +and so I leave this query with +utmost confusion and no real +hope of assurance +that my self be saved and the other +to be discarded. diff --git a/posts/verify-with-signify.md b/posts/verify-with-signify.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8853554 --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/verify-with-signify.md @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ +title: Verifying snapshots with signify +date: 2019-01-01 +author: Wolfgang Müller + +I use the [signify](https://flak.tedunangst.com/post/signify) tool to +cryptographically sign all software downloads you will find on this +site. + +Whilst you technically don't need `signify` to verify the _integrity_ of +downloaded files, I strongly recommend using it to also verify the +_signature_. A portable version of the tool is available +[here](https://github.com/aperezdc/signify). + +### Obtaining the signature and checksum + +If you decide to use `signify` to verify downloaded files, you need to obtain +the detached signature linked on the respective project page and the public +release key (see below). Otherwise, you only need to fetch the checksum. + +### Obtaining the public key + +To fully verify a download with `signify`, first obtain [my public +key](/release.pub). I keep a copy of the same key on DNS, feel free to +verify it therewith: + + $ drill TXT releasekey.oriole.systems + +Another copy of the key exists on the freenode IRC servers, in my +taxonomy data: + + /msg NickServ taxonomy vehk + +You may want to keep the public key saved on your system for future +verifications. + +### Verification with signify + +Once you have downloaded my public key, run the following to verify your +download: + + $ signify -C -p release.pub -x <snapshot>.SHA256.sig + Signature Verified + <snapshot>: OK + +### Verification with sha256sum + +Alternatively, if you don't want to install `signify`, you can use +the `sha256sum` tool to only verify the integrity of the download: + + $ sha256sum -c <snapshot>.SHA256 + <snapshot>: OK diff --git a/posts/weltschmerz.md b/posts/weltschmerz.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bdaeced --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/weltschmerz.md @@ -0,0 +1,77 @@ +title: weltschmerz - A terminal emulator in Vala +date: 2019-07-12 +author: Wolfgang Müller + +## Synopsis + +weltschmerz is a small and simple terminal emulator built upon the +Virtual Terminal Emulator widget. It's written in Vala, supports +clickable URLs, can reload its configuration whilst running, and has +very basic search functionality. + + + +As a VTE app, weltschmerz supports practically every contemporary +terminal emulator feature. It is built to be a stable and practical +terminal emulator for daily use. + +## Download + +- [weltschmerz-1.0.0.tar.gz](/snapshots/weltschmerz/weltschmerz-1.0.0.tar.gz) + ([signature](/snapshots/weltschmerz/weltschmerz-1.0.0.tar.gz.SHA256.sig), + [checksum](/snapshots/weltschmerz/weltschmerz-1.0.0.tar.gz.SHA256), + [verify?](verify.html), + [archive](/snapshots/weltschmerz)) +- [git repository](https://git.oriole.systems/weltschmerz.git) (clone only, no web interface) + +## Requirements + +- [VTE](https://wiki.gnome.org/Apps/Terminal/VTE) >= 2.91 +- [Vala](https://wiki.gnome.org/Projects/Vala) >= 0.40.12 +- [GTK+](https://www.gtk.org/) >= 3.0 + +## Usage & Configuration + +See [`weltschmerz(1)`](/man/weltschmerz.1.html). + +## Build + +weltschmerz can be built with any POSIX-conformant make or with +[Meson](https://mesonbuild.com). The latter may be interesting to +distribution packagers or people already comfortable with this +particular build system. + +__Note:__ if your Vala compiler executable is not named `valac`, you +need to export the environment variable `VALAC` containing the correct +name before you can build weltschmerz: + + export VALAC='valac-0.42' + +### Makefile + +Run the following to build and install weltschmerz to the default +location (`/usr/local`): + + make install + +The Makefile honors the environment variables `PREFIX`, `DESTDIR`, +`BINDIR`, and `MANDIR`. For instance, if you want to install weltschmerz +to your home directory, call make like so: + + PREFIX=/home/user make install + +### Meson + +Create the build directory and configure the Meson build like so: + + meson build + cd build + meson configure + +The build can be configured extensively; for more information, see +`meson(1)`. If you want to install weltschmerz to your home directory, +for example, pass `--prefix=/home/user` to configure. + +Once the build is set up, install weltschmerz: + + meson install |
